The year

Memories burden me

Overwhelm me in their darkness

A year has past me by

The slow tick of the clocks

Echoing me in the silence of my heart

Time drifted on

And yet I feel no different

The pain a distant noise

Reverberations of lifes lessons

Ones I didn’t want

I still find no logic, no reason

For how someone walked away

No attempt to try, or even a kindness

Just a get the F$%k out

But tomorrows a new day

One to remember

That now I’m free

Of the bile of that life

The emptiness of being with you

Darkness no more

As tomorrow I switch on my light

Banishing you to the shadows

From where you once came

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Puppets

How can I be honest

When the word betrayal is used so easily

Having a different opinion leads to heated words

I needed something for myself

To not be pushed to a life I’m not ready to accept

But I killed the most precious gem

I’ll suffer alone eternally for my mistake

I should have had more faith

To know we were stronger

But I took the cowards route

Now I’ll pay for it

With tears of my life blood

You sought my betrayal

As I hunted to prove I was unworthy of your love

Silence occupies our voices now

My silent tears endless

Your anger and need for revenge clear

I clutch to strings binding us

I can hear your scissors hanging

I’m waiting for you to snip

When I’ll fall to my death

My Redemption Song

I knew who you were

Late

I listened to the wrong advice

Eagerly

Ignoring my never wrong gut

Easily

Hand blindly wrenched into your chest

Simply

My heart dripping your souls life blood

Staining

Death calling for me to come home

Madness

Spirit divided in dark dreams of pain

Punishment

Gaia tells me to have hope

Forgiveness

Because I stand waiting for you

Judgement

Peace comes in fleeting hopes of redemption

Faith

Numb

My taste buds have gone

My skin prickles in shame

Excuses echo pointless on my lips

Your righteous anger ringing out

How could you understand the why?

When I don’t understand myself

Just know I’m human

And made a mistake I’ll never recover from

I accepted responsibility when I told you

Not wanting my guilt to rot through us

But I see it’s too late anyway

The word hate rings out from your lips

And my stomach falls down

My wings ripped away

And I fall dead to the ground

I want to repeat the easy death of my ethereal self

To live in peaceful slumber

To numb myself to my betrayal

Because I can’t live in a chasm without your love

A never-ending eclipse

Cast from the warmth of your love

I know that would be yet another betrayal

So I wait in hope

That you can forgive one day

That one day you accept my apologises

And feel my love

Falsehood

Pity in your eyes

You find me alone and assumed lonely

But I am my best friend

I take care of my needs

Better than any man can

Your eyes mirror mine in the past

Your complaints, the ones you keep hidden

Beneath the facade that marriage equals happiness

That solitude is a horror to dread

But hearing your tale

Stings of too many unspoken words

To close to the truth, that I face

Marriage is not a truth of life

Just a consequence of cultured drive

That monogomy is the only goal

With an abundance of screams

But we are different

Your pity unjust

As mine is buffering your arrogance

That I want your life, when clearly I have my freedom

 

Turned

You said you loved me

But didn’t want me

Wanted your fill

Without reciprocation

You’re most important

Fuck anything about me

As long as your full

Regardless that I’m empty

The used tissue

Containing your seed

As long as there’s no demand

Which retracts from you

The world revolves around you

But for me no longer

I don’t need your approval

To be the woman I want

 

Sunrise

Talk when you want

Seek others for more

Endless appetite

Boundless consumption

I’d escaped your grasp

Pulled back from your orbit

This time I don’t gravitate

Only to you

Now I’m your sun

Your obsession clear

Desire to never release

Its clear to all

Only damage here

You do to yourself

I’m just left confused

Wondering why

If life is better without your sun

Why do you await my sunrise

Judged

Pass your judgement

Condemn me with your words

Lies roll on your lips

False truths you peddle as reality

Let me live

My life anew-ed

Like a fresh child

My mistakes are mine to make

And consequences to live with

Let my future be mine

My life is mine alone

Mine to live and enjoy

Free of your burden of false responsibility

My choices weigh you down

But are not yours to bear

So pass your judgements

But keep them to yourself

For I’ll have none

Sleepless

Anger boils inside me

I can’t understand why

Scars not yet healed

Are brittle and easily split

What will this life mean

How can things change

Words easily spoken

Deeds harder to put in place

I’d thought you once loved me

But I can see through the facade

Lies ring on your lips

To pull me aside

And drag me from my bed

The sleeping giant woken

To bash and brocade

Time is no friend

To our lies

Sea

Boat in a storm

I’m lost in a storm

Clasp the dingy

Hope the waves

Don’t set me adrift

Chant stay afloat

Pray to the Gods

Beg for a way through

Take the salt

Stinging my eyes

I remember a world before

I was lost at sea

When I had my island

But my world flooded

Land fell from my feet

And cursed the sea

So now I wait

Clinging to my dingy

Praying for the storm to pass

And the stars to come

Lies

We said goodbye Monday

But lies filled your eyes

I’ve moved on you told me

But you hid the real truth

Sadness crept through you

Transferring in your arms as you held me

I felt my walls crumbling

And a return of knowing you as a friend

Your pain was genuine

And realised this was mutual

I know my love is lost

But yours is still here

Haunted in your face

Your need to stay with me

But my feet carry me out

Of your life, forever

The damage you caused irreversible

As the lies you tell yourself

Hurt

I stabbed you

You called for me to stay

But did you forget

You said goodbye

Did it slip your memory?

I don’t have to listen anymore

I can hear the tension

Even across our sea

As you truly see an end

And its finally on my terms

That I moved on

Crystal ball

Crystalball

Lie to me

Take away the sadness

Blow up the future

Tell me a dream

Make me a believer

In forever after

 

Bottomless sadness

Shock tremors through

Overtaking me

Suffocating my steps onward

I bloat on false happiness

Pretending to be complete

When I’m purely hollow

 

Find me

Lie to me

Tell me I have a future

In your crystalball

Not the end I’m sinking too

With Me

You are with me

As much a part of me as my breath

I hear you in the memories

You stand beside me on the vista

The peace of the quiet

Is disrupted by your virtual heart beat

I am alone and silent

But you are with me

I say goodbye here

Thank you for the years

Take care of yourself

But frankly I don’t give a damn

As although you’re forever with me

I don’t need you

So I won’t care for this piece of you

But I thank you for the journey

You lead my feet too

As without it

I wouldn’t know my strength

Of your imposed limits

Stronger without you

More courageous and bold

Adventures and fiestas fill my days

Friends abound to my previous starved life

Because you’re not there

To dominate my days

I can be me

And find acceptance

So I thank you for the years

But the harsh daylight

Shows I never needed you

In future I will be driven solely by want and love

That I found in the void of your presence

With my reflection

So good luck and thank you

But frankly I don’t give a damn

Where the hell you land

Damage

Damage

You ripped me apart

Blamed me for your aches

Attacked me for what I gave just to you

 

Rejected, attempting to find my legs

You ripped them out from under me

Telling me you’d moved on

 

Whilst I watched from the horizon

Unsure where to rest my head

You thrust her things into my home

Let her take my things

 

Salt was just in the wound

Unclear what I did

To deserve all this

 

Was I lower than a dog

That you felt the need

To make me your bitch

 

Karma tells me she’ll come

And then you’ll understand

What you did to me