Life has been deliciously busy recently as we’ve been starting the hunt for our home in North Dublin, whilst having quick trips to Gran Canaria, France and back to the Peak District to visit all the beautiful people in our life.
We’re sitting out in undecided weather, one minute its sunny, the next cloudy. Thoughts keep coming to mind of how we project ourselves and our thoughts onto the world around. It’s a little game we all play. We all have certain standards instilled in us as children. What is ‘wrong’, what is ‘right’. And these become our belief system. We then use these to look at people, to judge the world around us. To define what is the ‘better’ or in the ‘best’ way possible to live a life. These all build up into stories, ways to analyse everything in life that comes up. These little stories we create ‘she did this, because of that’. We step under a ladder its bad luck. These all then create problems for ourselves in how we interact with others, how we play out our lives in the world. And perhaps most importantly, how we interact within ourselves. And the only way to stop playing this game, (as it is a game), is to shift how we look at the world. To see the truth of what is in front of us.
Drawing me back to our long weekend in the Gran Canaria, which is over built with concrete everywhere. The Magician and I landed late into the afternoon, our bad mood from starting with a plane full of noisy drunks, onto the issues with our car rental. The grey sky deepening the depth of our grumpy expletive statements with every kilometre we drove. Dread filled our arrival time for my friends birthday celebrations. Were we going to step into a drunken yob fuelled Brit’s abroad party from hell? But no, we drove down into a small isolated farm, with its own private entrance onto a private rocky beach.
Although it was a short break away, we spent the evening chattering away. Drinking and eating too much, whilst trying to counter- act it with brief interludes of running on the treadmills and hikes into the hill. Even with all that, we continually spent the days being reminded this wasn’t our typical idea of what we wanted as a holiday. If anything else, we saw problems everywhere with the holiday. As this wasn’t what we defined as ‘us’. We saw problems everywhere. All of these problems were not the reality of what was in front of us. A trip, spending time with one of my closest friends (who has an unsurprising number of awesome friends there too).
During our trips back to France and the UK to see family, we ran into more self- created problems over and over again. The Magician has decided to not go back into a job. Many people simply don’t understand this. He’s a ‘MAN’, he has to support me, his wife. Every time we talk to people, over and over again they say ‘you have to live life the way I tell you too’. And each time this happens I sit, listen without judgement and let them influence me with their words. I then always come back with the thought, creating a problem. Instead of seeing the truth that we’re happy, just as we are. I create this little niggling problem. Society tells me we should all work. Therefore the Magician should work.
Talking with my mum brought a change though. As my Mum continued telling me the Magician ‘Has to work’ and he ‘Has to do this now’. I then probed her slightly. ‘Well…. Do women have to work, if they’re bring up children’. I waited to see if her response was sexiest. But no, it wasn’t. ‘Yes, women have to work. Once you’re children are at school, they should be working’. So then I probed further and further. Finally gaining an understanding. My mum simply thinks everyone adds value to society by working. So we should all work. In fact, she thinks she should work. Regardless of the fact she’s in her mid- seventies and in a wheelchair. She thinks to add value to society, is to work.
But my experience has led me to believe that work is toxic to my generation. I can’t count the number of people who have had nervous breakdowns from work. Or are simply miserable in their job. And the Magician has the same frame of mind. Work in a 9-5 job did nothing but create unhappiness for him, and forced his natural days rhythm into something that just didn’t work for him.
But even this is all a framework in my mind of what I believe work is. All of this again stops me seeing the reality of life. That the Magician and I are happy as we are. And that in the same token, I simply don’t need to create stories or problems by telling anyone else how they should live. It just creates problems for myself. It is simple lunacy to try and make someone else other than what they are. (Except if you’re not vegan…Cause obviously there are exceptions to this rule 😉 )
So here I sit, creating problems with my beautiful husband…. Why? Because I’m letting someone else’s framework of life tell me I have to make my phenomenal French be something he’s not. And I’ll just simply apologise to this beautiful man who sits quietly next to me smiling in the undecided weather. The one who doesn’t have a ‘job’, but everyday take care of us. Every hour encourages and supports me in everything I do. The one who taught me what it means to be a real team in a relationship. His only flaw… being French. But its ok, he’s starting to sound more and more English every day…