#Coupledrama #Compareus

I’m going to comment on something that the Magician hates. But he’s currently lying asleep next to me and can’t take my phone out of my paws… Ha ha ha!

But really is difficult to not do this. Its automatic. I was with my ex for almost 13 years. Of course I’ll compare them. This comparison helps me to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes. To know I wish I didn’t automatically settle. That I wish I’d thought more about what was and wasn’t good for me.

When my marriage ended people became honest about what they thought of my ex. Two things stuck with me. One was that a friend said he was disrespectful and unkind. My ex took the piss out of me a lot. But the jokes were that I treated him as a slave. That I never let him make a decision. I’d always thought this was a joke. But it wasn’t. This was my ex’s story, the issues he had in our relationship that he never owned enough to talk to me about. They burned out into toxic ‘airings’ of his relationship drama.

Ah, I got stuck. He just rolled over for morning cuddles… The Magician always gets caught in his desire for napping in the morning, and wanting to snuggle into me. Ah, he’s rolled back over, giving me a smile that makes me melt everytime. But hoorah to freedom, as I can start writing again!!

The Magician and I are the same. We take the piss out of each other a lot. But it’s about the cultural jokes between the French and English. He has still to submit to the will of afternoon cream teas, and I am still refusing to bow to the croissant. We have, however fully embrassed the Irish breakfast… Hum… I’m hungry now!

The other main one is my mum reminded me of that she didn’t feel my ex cared for me. The main example she always gives was of me when I had my back surgery, she had to come up and take care of me. As my ex wouldn’t do more than work from home for a couple of days. But the comparison that is strong for me right now, is what happens when I squeak. I am a squeaker. If I don’t feel well, or I bang my hand, or drop something, I squeak. I’ve been ill with tonsillitis the last few days, so instead of the Magician being deaf to my multiple squeaks. Everytime he runs in. Genuinely terrified I’ve hurt myself. My ex never came. Sometimes I did genuinely hurt myself, but he didn’t come.

But I was the same with my ex. I didn’t really care when he was ill. As I’m the same with the Magician. I remember the first time he squeaked, I ran, automatically and completely terrified he was hurt.

Depending on the message people want to send, people either say it’s the little things that matter. Or, that all that matters is that people are there for the big things.

I say, we make up sayings to suit the purpose of the message we want to give. So here’s mine. They both matter. The small and the big things. But it’s also what you reciprocate. The Magician and I genuinely run for the little things. And through the big things, he jumped on a plane and stayed by my side.

No one likes drama in a relationship. The little arguements you have. The comparisons, the stories. But I can see now it’s the type of drama you create together is important. Unhealthy jealous drama, the ‘you don’t care about me’ drama. But then there is the healthy, I worry about you. You are precious to me, because I am attached to you. The I’m happy because I can take the piss out of your weird querks, because they are so adorable to me. That I only want my world to revolve around them.

So I’m grateful for my comparison, I’m so grateful to my ex. As it helped me to recognise my magicians querks when they entered my world. That smile, that will always make me melt into goo on the pavement. The one that would make me bow to croissants (but don’t tell him that, it’ll give him a big head).

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I can come in many labels, many boxes, a divorcee, survivor, traveler, writer, optimist. But these labels only limit me to who I am at this point in time. But as you will read on my blog, I am my journey. I hope you will enjoy walking this path with me.

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