We’re over half way through January and I can feel winter is coming, with a cold snap on its way to Europe next week. I’m currently sat starring out into Malahide estuary wondering where my weekend went?
And I know where most of it did. I got sucked into ‘Life’s stories’ again and wanted to hide in a little hole and not come out again till it’s summer.
I don’t think I’m alone in this, but I have a rhetoric in my head. Sometimes this is very strong. The challenge then comes when my negative, anti- social rhetoric interacts with other people. My negative perception then just weaves these complex RIDICULOUS stories.
For example…. the Magician left for India a week ago. During one of our daily chats, he’d warned me that he needs to focus on Satsang. Its the whole reason he’s in India. How did I take his comment? One I already knew? Well… I was feeling sad, so my beautiful mind then regurgitated it up to evidence that I’m not important to him. Therefore I’m not important to anyone, and then whats the point to anything. [Interlude continuing the self- flagellating story]……
Our past experiences in life creates these little ‘stories’ in our head. These little stories when regurgitated create and play out into dramas. Which then create a cycle of mis- understandings in how we communicate and hear one another. These stories effectively create filters across our eyes, which stop us from seeing the truth of how we are interacting and talking with one another.
So whats the point of my little ramble today? Well, I spent a huge chunk of my weekend wallowing in self- loathing. And all of it was pretty unnecessary. Because when the Magician said ‘I need to focus on Satsang’. That was actually all he was saying. My interpretation of his words, my story, the played- out drama, that was all me. So next time, I just want to accept that I was feeling sad. To simple just let myself be sad for that moment. As because I didn’t accept my sadness in the first place, I looked for reasons to justify why I was, which then just made me feel worse and worse.
So now that I can see some beautiful blue sky coming out, I’m going to enjoy a little of whats left of my Sunday. And breath in the fresh salt air.
Love and hugs from me…