This was to be an exceptionally strange week, as I spoke to my ex- husband for the first time in months. This was to let him know that I was writing a book, some of it was based on our relationship break down. I’d just wanted to check that he was ok with me writing this. It turns out he didn’t mind at all. In fact he wanted to read a copy of it when it was finished. The conversation then took a bizarre turn, he talked about how it was hard to adjust to living in a more frugal life style compared to when we’d been together. On top of that, he recommended I read a book based on how to keep your marriage together. All in all, this made me extremely uncomfortable. For me, our relationship had ended over a year ago. And here he was talking about our relationship like it was something he still hadn’t moved on from. It left me realising, it didn’t matter that he’d ended the relationship. He was still living in the shell of it. Whilst I’d accepted it and moved on. It left me feeling sad for him.
Then, whilst sat enjoying a lovely coffee in my daily haunt, I’d end up in a deep interesting conversation with a seventy-year-old English man. He’d started writing his life story, but found it very hard, as he’d had to start facing truths about his life. He realised how many lies he’d been telling himself, about his life, the choices he’d made. He stopped writing at that point, as he preferred the fictional story he told himself. This reminded me a lot of the conversation the Magician and I’d had a few days earlier. About the stories we tell each other. We tell each other the story that we’re twinned souls, our love is sacred, we couldn’t separate, even if we wanted too. This built a story around our romance, making it like a glossy magazine. Stopping us from seeing the reality is of our relationship, the warts and the sparkling diamonds.
I was still very excited to see the Magician (especially as it was his birthday). I’d been missing him during the week he’d continued being at the retreat in Chiang Mai. But I knew at the same time, it had been good for us both to have some space. Arriving at the hotel sooner than I expected, I bounced happily into his arms. He’d bought me a present for the Appalachian trail. It was a necklace pendant with two hands holding a globe. He told me this was to represent me holding the world in my hands. We now started to know that when I’d be starting my hike, he would be spending more time on his own journey to learn about enlightenment. And for the first time he started talking about going to learn from a Zen Master called Dolano in India. I started to see that with support, love and respect for each other’s journey, maybe we would survive being separated for 6 months?
During the days we had together on Koh Samui we lay on the beach sunbathing together. I happily watched the Magician running in and out of the sea intermittently. Bouncing excitedly around enjoying the soft warmth of the sun and delicate sand squigging between our toes. Then taking lazy meals together at the different cafes along Bang Por.
We also hired out a moped and explored the Island together. During this I would cling onto the Magician’s back, squeaking frequently, would he mind slowing down? The hotel manager’s warning of the number of moped injuries fresh in my mind. In the morning we went to Hin Lat Waterfall. Arriving at the entrance we bought fish food for 20 baht, and threw it into the deep river pools with multi- coloured giant carps. Then we took a short beautiful walk, through mangroves trees and a Buddhist temple. Clambered up and down the rocks at the waterfall, we watched locals swimming in the different deeper waterfall pools, laughing and giggling together.
Driving back towards our hotel we stopped in Nathon Town. We walked up and down the food market and grabbed one of the common fruit shakes (blended fruit, water and ice), whilst we enjoyed the sun slowly setting along the beach. We then jumped straight back on the moped and spent the evening at Mae Nam China Town evening market. By the time we arrived, a lot of the stalls had closed. But we settled into one of the ex- pat restaurants and orders some local delicacies. Enjoying being together again, before we got ready to enjoy the crazy atmosphere of the Full- Moon party.