Today I had a rest day in Conques. I’d like to say I wondered through the beautiful medieval town of Conques taking in the views, visiting the museum etc etc. But I didn’t. I was super lazy, which was wonderful considering I’d walked 221k in the previous 7 days.
Rest days are important to help re- set your muscles and joints when you’re doing so much exercise. Its important to not completely stop doing any exercise though, as it could cause your muscles to stiffen up.
I spent a chunk of the day thinking about where I would head next, actively knowing that I was going to be walking alone tomorrow. Up until now, I’d been walking with other people. This has been great so far, but part of the reason I needed to walk was to get sometime alone to think through what I wanted from life. And also to get sometime to contemplate what has happened through the last couple of years and to check in to find out whether I’ve really accepted and moved on from my impending divorce.
This is easier said than known. Grief (whether from a separation or death) involves a number of stages that you work through (shock, depression, anger, bartering etc) eventually leading to acceptance. It’s simple and easy to think that you have accepted this major change. But in reality, you may think you’ve accepted this because you can spend a day without thinking of them or you can think of them without any pain. But I’ve found that I can still fluctuate back to other stages of grief. This is typically as I keep working through the upset I had during the relationship with my ex (almost as if I never came to terms with any upset at the time). Or I’ll be working through new upset as the divorce is being finalised. It’s an important question for me to understand, as this will be one of the changes I need to closure on. So that when I move forward into a new relationship I won’t bring any of the toxicity from my divorce into it.